


Glendale Community's Bake Sale

by thebiwriter



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Gen, I'll mention any sort of warnings in the author notes, If they apply, One Shot Collection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:51:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4300218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebiwriter/pseuds/thebiwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alison Hendrix locks all of her fellow PTA members in the school over winter break, and proceeds to lose her cool.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Alison smiled through the frosted window as the custodial worker locked the final door. All the school’s exits were sealed from the outside.

“That’s the last one!” The man said in a thick german accent. “Enjoy the lock-in bakesale.”

“I will!” Alison chirped. “Everyone’s in here and all accounted for!”

“Are you sure you don’t want any of us to come back here for three days.”

“Definitely!”

“Are you completely sure?”

Alison’s gaze intensified. “I’m sorry, but at the last PTA meeting did you or did you not talk about how tired and overworked your staff is?”

“Yeah, but-”

 

“But nothing. You take this time to relax, holiday breaks are much too hectic for you to concern yourself with maintenance!”

“Ma’am,” he said, “maintenance is my job.”

Alison clenched her jaw. “Your job is to keep the school clean. You’ll have plenty of time to do that after a little break.”

“I just don’t know-”

“Sir, with all due respect, if you don’t get the hell away from this school right now, I will call your boss and tell him that you groped my breast.” Alison tilted her head thoughtfully. “Now that I think of it though, wouldn’t losing your job get you deported back to whatever european hell you’ve escaped from? I wouldn’t want to get the government involved in all this.”

The man sighed defeatedly and walked away.

“I love your people’s craftsmanship!” Alison called after him happily. “I’m glad you came to see this my way!”

 **  
**Alison turned back to the auditorium and grinned. It was time to get to baking!


	2. Lisa Hummel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa Hummel gets wrekt.

"This quiche is a little dry?" Alison asked. "Fuck you, Lisa, your broken marriage is a little dry."  
  


Lisa Hummel backed away as though she'd been slapped in the face. She put a hand to her chest in astonishment and held back her anger. Maybe she had misheard Alison. "What did you just say?"  
  


Alison leaned in closer to Lisa, a sickly sweet smile that anyone from suburbia would instantly recognize as an insult. "Fuck you, Lisa, your broken marriage is a little dry." She enunciated the words for extra effect.  
  


Charity, who'd been setting up a nearby table, shot her head in the other two women's direction. "You and Jason are separating? What about the kids, what will you two tell them?"  
  


Lisa's eyes began clouding with tears. "You weren't supposed to tell anyone!"   
  


She ran off with Charity hot on her trail. Alison sighed heavily. It was a pity that Lisa had run off like that, she can make a mean peach cobbler. Oh, well.

 **  
**This was going to be the best bake sale ever and Alison was going to make sure of that, even if she had to burn every bridge she'd ever made in suburbia. **  
**


	3. Beatrice Bouvier's Brownies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beatrice Bouvier and Ali have a minor disagreement...

  
"Your brownies at the last bake sale tasted like fucking dog shit, Beatrice." Alison said matter-of-factly. "If these aren't better, you're out, and I mean it." She took the plate and took a bite, then spit the bite back onto the plate. "Disgusting."  
  


Beatrice Bouvier was taken aback. That recipe was her mother's for goodness sake! She had never be more insulted in her entire life!  
  


"Who peed in your Cheerios?" She muttered under her breath as she took her brownies off of the table.   
  


"I don't know, Beatrice!" Alison called after her. "Who keeps shitting in your brownies?" **  
**


	4. Jonathan Smyth- Caught Red Handed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonathan Smyth tries to feel Ali up, but she'd not taking any of his shit.

"I hope you die alone, Jonathan." Alison shouted, slapping his hand away from her chest. "I'm married."  
  


"So am I." Said Jonathan Smyth. "And besides, I figured-"   
  


"No! You do not get to figure anything!" Alison reached behind her searching for a weapon to use. She grabbed the pot of freshly brewed sweet tea and poured it on her assailant's hands. He screamed and dropped to the kitchen floor.   
  


"Oh my god! What the hell is wrong with you?" He screamed.   
  


"Hush, you." Alison replied forcefully. "Now you have some time to think about what you've done."  
  


"These are second degree burns!" He moaned, but Alison had already left. **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for violence and attempted assault. Skip ahead to the next chapter, nothing in this collection is really all that linear.


	5. Barbara Smyth and her shit husband

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara Smyth finds out her husband's a cheating jerk.

  
"Don't fucking yell at me, Barbra!" Alison shouted at the top of her lungs. Barbara Smyth was, unsurprisingly, extremely upset.

  
"You poured hot tea on my husband's hands! What the hell is wrong with you?"   
  


Alison rolled her eyes. "Forgive me for not wanting to become another woman on the ever growing list of your husband's mistresses."  
  


Barbara's sapphire blue eyes grew twice their normal size. "My Jonathan's a cheater?"  
  


Alison turned round to look her in the eyes. "Listen, hon, I really don't have time for this. If you want to find a pity party, go throw one with that Lisa Hummel." **  
**


End file.
